Going Undercover

Before you start reading this, start imagining the James Bond theme in your head...................................Got it, ok start reading.

When you are in the first trimester, you really are not supposed to tell anyone you are pregnant yet. This type of information is protected like a National Security Asset. We have told our immediate family but no one else. We used to be the couple that would call it when our friends or family were pregnant. At our age, there are definite giveaways (If only winning the lottery was this easy to predict) like when the wife of the couple used to be a wino and now is only drinking water when we go out to dinner or mysterious smells sends them running for the doors to get sick. Some other tell tale signs are the fact that their hair and skin seem different, or once prozac induced ultra happiness has now turned into moody and sometimes downright rude behavior, or their once ripped arms from working out every day are getting thicker and not so toned. Traci and I used to notice these differences and quietly snicker and call it to ourselves.

Well, well, well, the roles have been reversed, the tables have turned, the shoe is on the other foot...................you get the picture. Now we are the ones going "deep, deep, deep, deep" undercover. I will give you a breakdown of our clandestine activities to keep everything on the hush hush. First, like I said before we have to cover up the drinking. We have two ways of doing this. The first is a very elaborate ruse that involves necessary third parties. The poor waitress (collateral damage). When everyone at the table orders drinks, Traci makes sure to order a Vodka tonic. As soon as the waitress leaves the table with our order, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I then tell the waitress to switch the vodka tonic with a seven up or sprite. Mission Accomplished. The next tactic that we have in our arsenal is for Traci to order a glass of wine and I sip it throughout the night to make the level of wine go down and Traci pretends to drink. The next item of coverup is being sick all the time. This is not so easy to conceal. Luckily/unluckily my wife has chronic stomach issues (like every other person in Atlanta. I have never seen such a thing that everyone in this city has some type of stomach disorder. Must be our very clean air or the crystal clear water from the Chatahoochie River)............Instant excuse. The hardest thing to keep our cover is not slipping and telling people that "my wife has not been feeling good" or "she is sleeping a lot" or "the smell of my cologne now makes her want to vomit" when talking to friends or catching people up with what is going on in our lives. So, Traci has gone into hiding somewhat from the phone (she is in that same bunker with Cheney) and is trying to really watch what we say and do.

We are about to head into our 10th week and hopefully the naseau and "fun stuff" related to the pregnancy will start to taper off. Until then, I have my nightly martini (shaken not stirred) and I am on call to take out whoever slips information that is vital to "1st trimester security".