How about Eugene?

Names, Names, Names. We have only been pregnant for 10 weeks and there is so much pressure to come up with a name for our kumquat. Seriously, it is now the size of a kumquat. I dont even know what a kumquat is, but thats my boy or girl! There is a website out there called babycenter.com. It is the literaly the online bible for pregnant women. One of the fun items they have on the website is a weekly email with the progress of your baby. Yes, this is also a website with one of those message boards that makes my pregnant wife even more paranoid than necessary. In this weeks email, our child is "barely the size of a kumquat" or about an inch or so long. Whatever this kumquat is, it is very small. Have you noticed I just like saying or typing kumquat.

Well, back to the original intent of this post. Coming up with a name for our child. For some of you who know my wife this will come as no surprise, but she likes to have things organized and planned way ahead of time. Im the opposite. The severe polar opposite! I was the guy in college that would start on the semester's 500 page paper the night before it was due. Not 7pm, but at 2am (after college's main activities) and type away till 4pm the next day when it was due and make it to class as it was letting out to turn my masterpiece in. My friends would make fun and laugh, but who was laughing when I still received the 'A' and was able to experience college for what it was really worth. Note to self - I have to change these ways when I become a Dad. I dont think I can get away with pulling an all nighter when our little kumquat needs a diaper change. Can you imagine a full day worth of baby's special fragrance permeating throughout the house - mmmmmmm refreshing.

So, I get a daily lecture on how we are never going to have a name and we need to get moving on it. She has even bought a book describing different names. Well, we have to worry about such things as how does the first name flow with the last or what the Monogram will be. Im serious. This book tells us that people with fun upbeat Monograms live 5.2 years longer than people with bad or average monograms. Who funds studies such as these? There are starving children in Africa and some moron with too much cash wanted to see if his initials were going effect his lifespan.

So, it would be a bit of an understatement to say that naming your child is a lot of responsibility. You are essentially branding your child for the rest of their life. The name you give them could cause serious bodily harm when they go to school or could leave them destined for the mailroom in corporate America, all because we thought "Eugene" was kicking it old school and we were going to bring it back from 1910. I can see it now, Me - "how was school today Eugene?" Eugene's answer - "It sucked, the kids gave me a wedgie and stole my lunch money. The teacher even continues to laugh when she calls on me in class, even though we are already half through the school year." My response - "Oh dont worry, you will laugh at this when you get older. You may be a nerd now but the nerds get all the broads and all the money later in life." Yeah, I bet that will help when he cries himself to sleep every night for the next 30 years of his life. No thanks.

So, we are coming up with lists, crossing names off, testing them with proposed middle names, thinking of every scenario and nickname possibility, making sure it is not like every other kid of their generation, doesnt match any serial killers, will work in corporate America as well as in Hollywood or Sports (yeah, like all of you didnt secretly wish your kid could make it big), and is something that they are happy with. It has to be a name that the child wont mind hearing repeatedly and in a raised voice because if they get any of my mischevious ways, they will hear their name screamed on a daily basis by their mom (oh yeah, by me too).

As we get closer, dont bother asking us what the name of our little kumquat (see, i snuck it in again. so much fun to say). We are not going to tell and we are keeping it a secret till the baby is born. It is going to be under lock and key, in Al Gore's 'lockbox', totally classified, on the 'DL', totally secret................. but I can guarantee you it wont be Eugene.